Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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