its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
