If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
