i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
