And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
