So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
