So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
