I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
