I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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