i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
