My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
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I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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