Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
