Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
