I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
