if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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