It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
