Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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