Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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