theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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