why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
