cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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