He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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