Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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