oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Bring me that man meat
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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