Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
