I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize