How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
