Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
