i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
