I'm gonna have a badass scar
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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