I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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