this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
