Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
