Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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