oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
