And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
