She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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