So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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