Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I could fuck to npr.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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