If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
