we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
