someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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