whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
