a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
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Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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