I want to stick my p in your. b.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
