i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She announced her abortion via fbk
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
