I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
