I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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