if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
