I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
