Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
