my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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