So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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