i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
sarcasm needs its own font
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The Olympian is in my bed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
