My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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