Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
