Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
