My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
