We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize