break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
