Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
