I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
