Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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